Ex- England leader Lewis Moody has revealed he has been diagnosed with motor neurone disease and acknowledged he cannot yet deal with the full implications of the muscle-wasting condition that ended the lives of fellow rugby players Doddie Weir and Rob Burrow.
The middle-aged sportsman, who was a member of the 2003 championship side and secured multiple English and European titles with Leicester, spoke to BBC Breakfast 14 days after finding out he has the disease.
"There's an element of facing the future and hesitating to really process that at the present time," he commented.
"This doesn't mean I am unaware of where it's heading. We comprehend that. But there is absolutely a hesitation to face what's ahead for now."
Moody, speaking alongside his wife Annie, explains rather he feels "at ease" as he directs his attention to his current wellbeing, his family and getting ready for when the illness worsens.
"Maybe that's trauma or possibly I process things differently, and after I have the information, it's more manageable," he added.
Early Indications
Moody discovered he had MND after noticing some reduced power in his upper arm while training in the gym.
After physical therapy failed to improve the problem, a series of scans showed nerve cells in his neurological system had been damaged by MND.
"You receive this medical finding of MND and we're appropriately very moved about it, but it's quite odd because I feel like everything is fine," he continued.
"I don't sense ill. I don't feel poorly
"My indications are rather minimal. I have a bit of muscle loss in the fingers and the shoulder.
"I remain capable of performing anything and everything. And optimistically that will persist for as long as is possible."
Illness Advancement
MND can advance rapidly.
Based on the non-profit MND Association, the illness claims a one-third of people within a twelve months and above half within 24 months of detection, as ingestion and respiration become increasingly challenging.
Treatment can only slow worsening.
"It's not me that I experience sorrow for," stated an moved Moody.
"It's the sorrow around having to inform my mum - as an only child - and the implications that has for her."
Household Consequences
Conversing from the household with his wife and their family dog by his side, Moody was consumed with sentiment when he discussed telling his sons - 17-year Dylan and adolescent Ethan - the heartbreaking news, commenting: "This was the hardest thing I've ever had to do."
"These are two brilliant boys and that was pretty heartbreaking," Moody said.
"We positioned ourselves on the sofa in weeping, Ethan and Dylan both hugging in each other, then the dog leapt across and began licking the tears off our faces, which was rather silly."
Moody said the focus was being in the present.
"There is no cure and that is why you have to be extremely strongly directed on just accepting and enjoying each moment now," he stated.
"According to Annie, we've been really blessed that the sole choice I made when I retired from playing was to devote as much duration with the kids as feasible. We don't get those times back."
Player Connection
Elite competitors are disproportionately affected by MND, with studies proposing the incidence of the condition is up to six times elevated than in the general population.
It is considered that by restricting the air accessible and producing damage to motor neurone cells, frequent, vigorous training can activate the condition in those inherently genetically susceptible.
Rugby Professional Life
Moody, who won 71 England appearances and traveled with the British and Irish Lions in New Zealand in 2005, was nicknamed 'Mad Dog' during his sports career, in acknowledgment of his brave, persistent style to the game.
He participated through a fracture of his leg for a time with Leicester and once initiated a training-ground altercation with team-mate and friend Martin Johnson when, frustrated, he discarded a practice gear and commenced throwing himself into physical contacts.
After entering as a replacement in the Rugby World Cup championship win over Australia in 2003, he won a ball at the rear of the line-out in the decisive phase of play, establishing a platform for scrum-half Matt Dawson to attack and Jonny Wilkinson to kick the match-winning drop kick.
Support System
Moody has already notified Johnson, who captained England to that championship, and a couple of other previous players about his condition, but the remaining individuals will be learning his news with the rest of public.
"There shall be a moment when we'll need to lean on their assistance but, at the moment, just having that sort of love and acknowledgment that people are available is all that matters," he said.
"This game is such a wonderful family.
"I told to the kids the other day, I've had an amazing life.
"Even when it finished now, I've enjoyed all of it and welcomed all of it and got to do it with unbelievable people.
"When you have the opportunity to call your enthusiasm your vocation, it's one of the most important blessings.
"Having accomplished it for so considerable a time with the squads that I did it with was a delight. And I know they will want to assist in any way they can and I look forward to having those conversations."
